If By Chance You Love Again
by ReikoOkinawa
Summary: Kagome can't take it anymore. She has to get away. For good. MirKag
1. To Achieve Perfection

Hey. Here's a kind of angsty one-shot. It's a songfic using Simple Plan's song, "Perfect." I thought these lyrics were pretty relevant to their situation, but.. You tell me what you think. -

...xXx...

..e..d..i..t.. 07/07/05

Okay, well, I've gone back and changed the blocking on the lyrics so it doesn't flip every other line.. I know that was sort of annoying. Plus, I rewrote some of it and added to it a bit. Also, I plan on turning this one shot into a whole story.. Hopefully it will make it better. Thanks for reading. I'm thinking... Mir/Kag? How does that sound to ya'll?

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, Simple Plan, these lyrics, or Microsoft Word. Too bad for me.

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"Why can't you ever do anything right? I know you're always screwing up, Kagome, but you BURNT my ramen! On top of everything else! I mean after everything else you've screwed up.. now this? What's your problem? You know, Kikyou would have done it right."

Kagome stared at Inuyasha, her hurt drowning her eyes with unwanted tears. She attempted to blink them away quickly, but the crystal droplets escaped in a mournful trickle down her embarrassment-induced red face.

He winced when he noticed her tears. He hadn't meant to make her cry, but she had misinterpreted where the next shard was located, accidentally made him sit, and then burnt their food, and he was hungry and frustrated. As he justified his attitude, he turned his head quickly away, refusing to fall victim to those eyes once again.

She couldn't help it. Kagome had tried to do what he had asked—really tried, but no matter how much effort she placed in everything, she could never amount to what Kikyou was to Inuyasha.

_'Cause it hurts when you disapprove all along_

_And now I try hard to make it_

She stood. It was just too much for her. After everything, it hurt too much this time_  
_  
"I'm sorry, Inuyasha."

That was it.

_I just want to make you proud_

_I'm never gonna be good enough for you_

Her breaking point.

_I can't pretend that_

She turned.

_I'm all right  
_  
She ran.

_And you can't change me_

She had tried. She had tried to be everything he wanted. She had turned the other cheek when he screamed at her and swore at her. It had been hard, but she had bit her tongue and excused him for it time and again.

_'Cause we lost it all_

_Nothing lasts forever_

It just wasn't enough.

She couldn't stay here anymore. It hurt too much.

_I'm sorry_

_I can't be perfect_

"I'm sorry, Inuyasha."

He stared blankly at her. She wasn't going to sit him?_  
_  
"I can't be perfect for you anymore."

_Now it's just too late and_

_We can't go back_

There was no going back now.

And he wasn't coming after her.

_I'm sorry_

Deep inside, she knew he wouldn't. He loved Kikyou. He wanted Kikyou. It was never about her.

_I can't be perfect_

Kikyou was what Kagome could never be for him.

She had ignored his comments.

_I try not to think_

_About the pain I feel inside_

She pretended like he didn't mean it. Maybe he didn't.

_Did you know you used to be my hero?_

_All the days you spent with me_

The truth was, she looked up to him. He protected her and tried to be there when she cried. In the end, she had placed him on a pedestal. She had forgiven him simply because he was Inuyasha. Throughout it all, she wouldn't let herself take him off the pedestal. Until now.

She remembered how it all started.

_Now seem so far away_

Had he ever really been kind? Yes, he had. When she thought about it, he had been considerate of her before. But maybe it was only because he felt he had to.

Even that was gone now. He was nothing but irritable all the time. She knew it had something to do with Kikyou. Their whole group knew that's where he snuck off to at night.

_And it feels like you don't care anymore_

_And now I try hard to make it_

She had told herself that wasn't really the reason. That she was jumping to conclusions. And it had only made her strive all the harder to be better for him.  
_  
I just want to make you proud_

_I'm never gonna be good enough for you_

Finally all thoughts and footsteps halted and she sank to her knees, her back against the well she hadn't realized she was running to.

She began to sob uncontrollably. Soft footsteps padded in front of her, but she refused to look up. She didn't want to know who it was. She didn't even care anymore.

"Kagome? Please, talk to me."

_I can't stand another fight_

_And nothing's all right_

"Go away, Inuyasha. You..You can't fix it this time, okay? Just.. Please, leave me alone."

_Nothing's gonna change the things that you said_

_Nothing's gonna make this right again_

"Kagome, please don't cry."

"Go on, Inuyasha. Kikyou's waiting for you."

_Please don't turn your back_

He looked uncertain. As if he thought she didn't already know whom he would choose. She refused to be naïve again. She wouldn't lie to herself anymore.

_I can't believe it's hard_

_Just to talk to you_

She wouldn't wait for him. She had spent much too long doing that. The decision had to be hers.

"Goodbye, Inuyasha. I hope you two are happy."

_'Cause you don't understand_

With these last words, she tossed the small vial of shards to him and leapt into the well, leaving behind a hanyou so lost and confused, and some of the best friends she had ever met.

As she left the well house that day, she resoluted to leave behind the past she had clung so desperately to, and prepared to embrace her future as it came to her, one thing at a time.

"Oh, hey, Hojou. Well, since you're here, want to go catch a bite to eat? I'm feeling much better, honest.."

...xXx...xXx...xXx...xXx...

Better than before? I think so. Well please review and stay tuned for the upcoming chapters. Thanks much. -

Reiko


	2. The Duties of a Hostess

Finally! Chapter two! I hope it gets more traffic than the first chapter generated. ;;;;

Disclaimer: Obviously, none of it is mine. Except the plot. And the story. But not the characters! At least not yet. But I hear I can get Inuyasha on for pretty cheap. That place is like the black market sometimes... -

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"So, Kagome-sama, I see your boils cleared up very well. They didn't even leave any scars!"

Kagome chuckled half-heartedly, swearing to kill her grandfather when she returned.

"Yes, well, I guess I'm just lucky I'm a fast healer!"

Hojou smiled attentively and nodded as he picked up his menu. Kagome followed his example, but her mind was elsewhere.

How was Shippou doing? Would Sango take her place and mother the child as she once had? Would Miroku and Sango marry one day, or would his perverse acts inevitably push her away? Did Inuyasha return to Kikyou immediately, or did he spend even a moment regretting the choice he forced Kagome to make?

Of course, all these questions were irrelevant. They would do just fine without her--she knew that. They probably did not even think twice about it as they moved towards the next jewel shard.

One day, they would find them all, without her assistance, and would live happily ever after, forgetting all about that silly girl that once traveled with them.

It was no longer her concern.

"..Kagome? Kagome, are you feeling well? Maybe this was a bad idea. You're probably still delirious from the yellow fever you had two weeks back..."

Kagome blinked a moment and chuckled sheepishly. Oh, yes. Gramps was dead.

"Oh, no, Hojou. Really, I'm fine. I just spaced out for a moment there."

Hojou looked concerned for a minute more before smiling and shrugging good-naturedly.

"Oh. Well, the waitress is waiting to know what you would like to drink..."

Hojou fidgeted with his napkin, settling it into his lap Kagome looked up at an impatient-looking waitress and muttered "diet Pepsi" apologetically.

"So how has school been for you, Hojou? Have I missed anything exciting?"

Hojou grinned. Kagome rarely asked how _he_ was doing, but he appreciated the change.

"I've been doing pretty well actually, if you don't mind me saying so. As far as exciting... Actually, some new guy got suspended for fighting and putting a hole in the wall. There was a big deal made about it, but the guy's dad is friends with the principal, so he didn't get it put on his record."

Kagome laughed. Really laughed. It was refreshing to realize that the most scandalous thing to happen here was petty school gossip. It was a nice change.

The meal went well. They discussed the newest classmate couples and the newest hangouts. Kagome enjoyed herself over a delicious dinner and a fabulous dessert.

Hojou walked her home. After her first daydreaming incident, she hadn't thought once about Feudal Japan. She was just enjoying being a typical modern teenager again. That is quite possibly why she was so terribly surprised at what she found when she arrived home.

"Mom? I just got back from dinner with Hojou... Um, hello? Souta? Grandpa?"

She turned the corner and her jaw dropped. Her mouth opened and closed as she tried to form words, but couldn't. There, sitting at her kitchen table...

"Might want to close that. You're catching flies, dear Kagome-chan."

Kagome dutifully closed her mouth, just long enough to get her bearings. She took the time to regain her composure before opening it again.

"W-what are you doing here? I thought only..."

Here she grimaced painfully before shaking herself out of it. Her guest smiled wryly, allowing her to continue.

"I thought only Inuyasha could get through... Why are you here?"

He sighed. Of course this is how she would react. Of course her first thoughts would be with Inuyasha. It was to be expected.

"Kagome-chan, I'm hurt. Aren't you happy to see me? I go to all this trouble to come visit you and not even a smi-"

His words were cut off as Kagome closed the distance and threw her arms around him. He'd only been joking... Well, sort of, at least. He honestly hadn't expected a hug. However, to his growing surprise, she didn't pull away immediately, either.

"Oh, Miroku-kun, I thought I would never see any of you again. But-but, you're here! You... you... why _are_ you here?"

His face grew serious a moment. He looked deliberately into her eyes. She looked so concerned...

"Kagome-chan, I know we haven't always been on the best of terms, but in light of recent events... well, circumstances have changed... So, I must ask you..."

She just looked so innocent.

"Will you bear my child?"

He prepared himself for a slap to the face. Groping her backside, in addition to his typical question, usually had that affect. But when he didn't feel the tell-tale sting of her hand on his face, he was rather confused. Kagome had torn herself from his arms, yes, but she had not slapped him, screamed at him, or stomped off in a huff.

She merely sank to her knees and sobbed.

Kagome just... couldn't bring herself to be angry with him. His time was so... short. If they didn't stop Naraku in time, he would never grow old enough to really have children. He acted as if life was all one big joke to him. He thought he was fooling the world.

But _she_ knew.

She knew he _had_ to act that way. She knew that he couldn't give into self-pity or he would waste what little time he had left. If Naraku wasn't stopped, Miroku would die. And their progress was significantly slowed by her return to her own time.

Her thoughts were broken by a hand resting gently on her shoulder. She raised her tear-blurred eyes mournfully.

"Ka-Kagome-sama, I am sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

Kagome shook her head fervently. When she had finished, she looked up at Miroku with her trademark happy smile and a look of relief passed his features.

"No, really, I'm fine. Just one of those moody girl moments you hear about!"

She laughed cheerfully, but the shadow of sorrow hidden behind her smile did not go undetected by her visitor.

"Yes, well..."

Miroku cleared his throat and took up his holy monk persona smoothly.

"Kagome-chan, I have sensed a dark aura around your house. You should allow me to exorcise it."

Kagome laughed good-naturedly and motioned towards the kitchen.

"Miroku, I'd be happy to fix you some food. Oooh, do you want to try oden?"

Her guest chuckled softly before sliding up beside her and taking her hand in his.

"Why, Kagome, you are a very gracious hostess. But, truly, I was hoping more for a warm bed... Perhaps you might even care to join me?"

Kagome blushed furiously and jerked her hand from his. She backed into the refrigerator and shook her head vehemently.

"You—you can't stay here!"

He sighed as Kagome sunk into a chair and crossed her arms, pouting.

"Kagome-sama, in all seriousness, I do have things to discuss with you, so... A bed would be welcome. It may take a while."

Kagome wanted to argue, but was too tired. After a few moments of silence, she threw her arms up in defeat.

"Fine, but I just want you to know I am locking my door tonight."

"That hurts, Kagome."

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What do you think? I'm... not thrilled, but I'm hoping it will get better once I get back into my writing groove. Well, I'd appreciate comments, flames, etc. Please?

Reiko


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